Lo que viene a continuación probablemente no te interese/haga gracia/importe un pimiento salvo que seas motagirl (o cercanías), o alguien que haya llegado hasta aquí buscando algo relacionado con post-rock.
Sabes que eres un post-rocker sin remedio cuando...
- Los CD's que compilas contienen menos de 6 canciones.
- Sin el pedal del eco, no hay diversión.
- Probablemente eres la única persona de tu entorno que tolera 5 minutos de sonido estático.
- Los colegas te piden que pongas la radio cuando se dan cuenta de que tus CD's son todo piezas instrumentales que no llevan a ninguna parte.
- Llevar a tus amigos a un concierto significa tenerles durante una hora esperando a que alguien empiece a cantar.
- Nadie se preocupa de preguntarte por tus gustos musicales, nunca más.
- Sientes una inconsolable decepción cuando las voces aparecen por primera vez en una canción.
- Te compraste tu primera guitarra eléctrica y un arco para violín el mismo día.
- Hablas hopelandic, de manera fluida.
- Siempre llegas tarde porque te empeñas en escuchar la canción hasta el último segundo antes de irte.
- La canción más corta que has escuchado últimamente era de unos 5 ó 6 minutos, y aún así probablemente era la continuación de otra canción.
- Necesitas acortar los nombres de tus bandas favoritas (65, EITS, GY!BE, UpcDownc, GIAA, TWDY...)
- La gente te pide que no lleves tus CD's a una fiesta, antes de que tú lo propongas.
- Cuando dices el nombre del grupo que estás escuchando y el tipo de música que es, la gente suele pensar que estás de coña (NdelT - La de caras raras que me han puesto con Upcdowncleftcrightcabc+start, The Samuel Jackson Five, Balmorhea, God Is an Astronaut...).
- Tus amigos te piden que repitas el nombre de tu grupo favorito, cuando aún vas por la 6ª palabra.
- Sientes una inconsolable decepción cuando una canción muy larga y minimalista no culmina en una destructiva ola de ruido (NdelT - Yo con esta sufro. Maldigo si no tienen clímax).
- Los fuegos artificiales te hacen pensar en música y no en vacaciones (NdelT - ¡Malditos EITS!).
- Te sabes el nombre de los 5000000000000 miembros de Broken Social Scene (NdelT - No existen herramientas lo suficientemente potentes para realizar siquiera estimaciones, ya que constantemente se están añadiendo miembros al grupo. Probablemente ya formes parte de la banda y ni lo sepas).
[Traducción libre a partir de un hilo en AfterThePostRock, y el derivado en su grupo en FaceBook]
A continuación, dejo los originales (he marcado en negrita los que he traducido):
You know you're a post-rock nut when...
- Your mix CDs only consist of less than six songs.
- When you sing a tune, it usually comes out in gibberish.
- No delay effects pedal = No fun.
- You're probably the only person around who can tolerate 5 minutes of static.
- Your mates demand that you change to radio after realizing that you're CDs are all instrumentals that go nowhere.
- Any attempt to drag your friends to gigs will have them waiting for an hour for the singing to start.
- Your harddrive is full of small unsigned or independant bands from strange countries.
- You're in a band that pays homage to either Godspeed or EitS.
- Nobody bothers asking you what music you're into anymore .
- You feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment when vocals first appear in a track.
- Your 30 gig ipod is full at 4000 songs
- Generally, when someone asks you what kind of music you like you say something like "post-rock-post-hardcore-avant-guarde-ambient-fuzz-melancholy-abstract-shit"
- You constantly search for bands off of constellation records.
- You say, "Sideshow Bob looks like Efrim Menuck," rather than the traditional other way around.
- You plan on naming your daughter Moya because you can't think of a word that connotes something more beautiful.
- When someone asks you what your favorite part about christmas is, and you reply, "steps." Bonus points if someone responds, "hell yes!"
- You bought your first electric guitar and violin bow on the same day.
- You speak Hopelandic. Fluently.
- The words "fucked on hairy amp drooling" mean something to you.
- When you meet someone and find out they know God speed - you both just can't get excited enough spitting out other bands you love and the mutural respect is just obvious.
- You're always late because you insist on hearing the song to the very end before leaving
- ... or the entire album to the very end.
- You cry when you listen to beautiful instruments.
- People stare at you when they ask you what you're listening to i.e weird band names and different music.
- Everyone hates you because you constantly go "Oh! Listen to that it's so beautiful" and no one can hear anything but the sounds of traffic, people etc.
- When one of your tutor group (yes I am a teacher) asks you for a name for their band and you come up with something like, "The Light dies when the sunsets and lives when the moon shines green".
- The shortest song you've listened to recently is about 5-6 minutes, and it was probably a continuation of another song anyway.
- One of your bands produced elevator music for elevators in France.
- It bothers you when someone is talking during the quiet parts of your songs.
- You know why F#A#8 has the 8 symbol on the end.
- You can't find any modern music similar to yours, so you've begun listening to classical.
- When you play one of your favourite songs to people and they say the track is repeating and is repetitive! Ah!
- When over 10 minutes is an acceptable lenght for a song.
- When lyrics ruin the song.
- When minutes of random sound is acceptable within a song.
- You think your band is better than Explosions in the sky.
- You need to shorten the names of all your favorite bands (GY!BE, EITS, etc...).
- People tells you not to bring any cd's for a party. Before you proposed.
- You spend more time touching your Ipod than your girlfriend.
- When you tell the name of the band you are listening and what kind of music it is, people tend to think you are joking.
- When you are having *fun* with a girl, you can't help but think wich album would fit the situation perfectly.
- When your friends ask you to repeat who your favourite band is when you're only on the 6th word of the band name.
- People ask you to play something on the guitar, and you're likely to start playing Your Hand in Mine.
- You spend hours and hours of your life on a post-rock forum arguing about what is and isn't post-rock.
- You decline going out with friends just to listen to Explosions in the Sky, all night.
- When you can name all 5000000000000 members of Broken Social Scene.
- You pay no attention to a band whos name you can say in one breath.
- You feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment when a very long and very minimalistic song does not climax into a destructive wave of noise.
- Fireworks make you think of music not holidays.
- You prefer the "correct" spelling of Sparowes.
