martes, 19 de enero de 2010

Síntomas del Post-Rocker

Lo que viene a continuación probablemente no te interese/haga gracia/importe un pimiento salvo que seas motagirl (o cercanías), o alguien que haya llegado hasta aquí buscando algo relacionado con post-rock.

Sabes que eres un post-rocker sin remedio cuando...

  • Los CD's que compilas contienen menos de 6 canciones.
  • Sin el pedal del eco, no hay diversión.
  • Probablemente eres la única persona de tu entorno que tolera 5 minutos de sonido estático.
  • Los colegas te piden que pongas la radio cuando se dan cuenta de que tus CD's son todo piezas instrumentales que no llevan a ninguna parte.
  • Llevar a tus amigos a un concierto significa tenerles durante una hora esperando a que alguien empiece a cantar.
  • Nadie se preocupa de preguntarte por tus gustos musicales, nunca más.
  • Sientes una inconsolable decepción cuando las voces aparecen por primera vez en una canción.
  • Te compraste tu primera guitarra eléctrica y un arco para violín el mismo día.
  • Hablas hopelandic, de manera fluida.
  • Siempre llegas tarde porque te empeñas en escuchar la canción hasta el último segundo antes de irte.
  • La canción más corta que has escuchado últimamente era de unos 5 ó 6 minutos, y aún así probablemente era la continuación de otra canción.
  • Necesitas acortar los nombres de tus bandas favoritas (65, EITS, GY!BE, UpcDownc, GIAA, TWDY...)
  • La gente te pide que no lleves tus CD's a una fiesta, antes de que tú lo propongas.
  • Cuando dices el nombre del grupo que estás escuchando y el tipo de música que es, la gente suele pensar que estás de coña (NdelT - La de caras raras que me han puesto con Upcdowncleftcrightcabc+start, The Samuel Jackson Five, Balmorhea, God Is an Astronaut...).
  • Tus amigos te piden que repitas el nombre de tu grupo favorito, cuando aún vas por la 6ª palabra.
  • Sientes una inconsolable decepción cuando una canción muy larga y minimalista no culmina en una destructiva ola de ruido (NdelT - Yo con esta sufro. Maldigo si no tienen clímax).
  • Los fuegos artificiales te hacen pensar en música y no en vacaciones (NdelT - ¡Malditos EITS!).
  • Te sabes el nombre de los 5000000000000 miembros de Broken Social Scene (NdelT - No existen herramientas lo suficientemente potentes para realizar siquiera estimaciones, ya que constantemente se están añadiendo miembros al grupo. Probablemente ya formes parte de la banda y ni lo sepas).

[Traducción libre a partir de un hilo en AfterThePostRock, y el derivado en su grupo en FaceBook]



A continuación, dejo los originales (he marcado en negrita los que he traducido):

You know you're a post-rock nut when...

  • Your mix CDs only consist of less than six songs.
  • When you sing a tune, it usually comes out in gibberish.
  • No delay effects pedal = No fun.
  • You're probably the only person around who can tolerate 5 minutes of static.
  • Your mates demand that you change to radio after realizing that you're CDs are all instrumentals that go nowhere.
  • Any attempt to drag your friends to gigs will have them waiting for an hour for the singing to start.
  • Your harddrive is full of small unsigned or independant bands from strange countries.
  • You're in a band that pays homage to either Godspeed or EitS.
  • Nobody bothers asking you what music you're into anymore .
  • You feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment when vocals first appear in a track.
  • Your 30 gig ipod is full at 4000 songs
  • Generally, when someone asks you what kind of music you like you say something like "post-rock-post-hardcore-avant-guarde-ambient-fuzz-melancholy-abstract-shit"
  • You constantly search for bands off of constellation records.
  • You say, "Sideshow Bob looks like Efrim Menuck," rather than the traditional other way around.
  • You plan on naming your daughter Moya because you can't think of a word that connotes something more beautiful.
  • When someone asks you what your favorite part about christmas is, and you reply, "steps." Bonus points if someone responds, "hell yes!"
  • You bought your first electric guitar and violin bow on the same day.
  • You speak Hopelandic. Fluently.
  • The words "fucked on hairy amp drooling" mean something to you.
  • When you meet someone and find out they know God speed - you both just can't get excited enough spitting out other bands you love and the mutural respect is just obvious.
  • You're always late because you insist on hearing the song to the very end before leaving
  • ... or the entire album to the very end.
  • You cry when you listen to beautiful instruments.
  • People stare at you when they ask you what you're listening to i.e weird band names and different music.
  • Everyone hates you because you constantly go "Oh! Listen to that it's so beautiful" and no one can hear anything but the sounds of traffic, people etc.
  • When one of your tutor group (yes I am a teacher) asks you for a name for their band and you come up with something like, "The Light dies when the sunsets and lives when the moon shines green".
  • The shortest song you've listened to recently is about 5-6 minutes, and it was probably a continuation of another song anyway.
  • One of your bands produced elevator music for elevators in France.
  • It bothers you when someone is talking during the quiet parts of your songs.
  • You know why F#A#8 has the 8 symbol on the end.
  • You can't find any modern music similar to yours, so you've begun listening to classical.
  • When you play one of your favourite songs to people and they say the track is repeating and is repetitive! Ah!
  • When over 10 minutes is an acceptable lenght for a song.
  • When lyrics ruin the song.
  • When minutes of random sound is acceptable within a song.
  • You think your band is better than Explosions in the sky.
  • You need to shorten the names of all your favorite bands (GY!BE, EITS, etc...).
  • People tells you not to bring any cd's for a party. Before you proposed.
  • You spend more time touching your Ipod than your girlfriend.
  • When you tell the name of the band you are listening and what kind of music it is, people tend to think you are joking.
  • When you are having *fun* with a girl, you can't help but think wich album would fit the situation perfectly.
  • When your friends ask you to repeat who your favourite band is when you're only on the 6th word of the band name.
  • People ask you to play something on the guitar, and you're likely to start playing Your Hand in Mine.
  • You spend hours and hours of your life on a post-rock forum arguing about what is and isn't post-rock.
  • You decline going out with friends just to listen to Explosions in the Sky, all night.
  • When you can name all 5000000000000 members of Broken Social Scene.
  • You pay no attention to a band whos name you can say in one breath.
  • You feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment when a very long and very minimalistic song does not climax into a destructive wave of noise.
  • Fireworks make you think of music not holidays.
  • You prefer the "correct" spelling of Sparowes.

6 comentarios:

  1. Jajajaj genial!
    "# Sientes una inconsolable decepción cuando las voces aparecen por primera vez en una canción."
    DIOS SI. No sólo eso, sino que salvo casos aislados suele desaparecer de mi disco duro xD

    Voy a mi blog a hacer mi selección, now :3

    ResponderEliminar
  2. Supongo, que llevas razón respecto a lo que te pregunté, pero ¿como qué mero estudiante de 16 años? Que saco sobresalientes! xD aunque se me atragante la dinámica: http://mierdaenpalabras.blogspot.com/2010/01/dinamica.html

    Oh Dios mío, soy un monstruo, no puedo parar de hacer publicidad

    ResponderEliminar
  3. Oh, no! Creo que presento algunos síntomas... es grave? ^^

    ResponderEliminar
    Respuestas
    1. Gravísimo, Miriam. Tendrás que encontrar al post-rocker que te infectó y someterle a una sesión intensiva de flamenqueo y reggaetón, a poder ser, reproducida a través del altavoz del teléfono móvil más cutre que tengas a mano.

      A no ser que quieras vivir con tu nueva condición.

      Eliminar

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